Sunday, January 2, 2011

At what point?

At what point do people just not want to hear anymore? I know everyone has their limits to how much "stuff" they can handle from someone else. In some ways I feel like I should just start keeping everything to myself, and in other ways it seems to help to be able to talk about it. So I don't know. It's not about sympathy, it's not even 'poor me', it's like things build up to a critical mass and something has to give. I'm lucky to have some friends that don't seem to be too overwhelmed by me right now and are pretty much willing to talk whenever. A lot of the time it's not even talking about my dad, who had a massive stroke the day after Thanksgiving, but just talking. It's good to sit and listen to someone else's day. It really seems to be the only thing that can get my mind off of things.

My old girl, Mindy Lou, is 26. She was my first horse and I got her when I was 13 and she was a yearling. I wrote a tribute to her here. This winter has been hard on her, and she had a bad night on the 23rd where she laid down for too long and her body temp dropped to 94. It's supposed to be 100. Her back legs weren't working very well. The vet said it's up to her to stand up before morning. With an electric blanket and comforters and blankets from Pam's house her body temp got back up to normal and she stood up on her own a little after midnight. She seems to be doing OK, kind of back to just being an old horse, although is going to be in a stall with hand walking until the temperatures warm up. I remember when I was overseas and couldn't sleep I would think about showing Mindy to relax. That point in a class where you've scoped out all the competition in your peripheral vision and KNOW you've won the class. And know that your horse won't take a wrong step, will go through all the puddles, and will do a halt to canter transition if need be. Made even sweeter by the fact that your dad, who knew nothing about horses, got up at 4:30 every horse show morning and hooked up the old orange truck to the 1968 green 2-horse to get you there. And carried water buckets. And mom would show up to "help" although her version of holding a horse was following it around letting it eat hay from hay bags tied to other people's trailers. And that you trained your own horse through a lot of trial and error, and often placed higher than the trainer you took lessons from.

Poor Alexandre had 30 days of stall rest because he was off on his left hind. After 30 days he was let back out into his paddock and re-injured it. It looks like he's back in a stall for but for 3 months this time. Luckily the people that are buying him are caring, patient souls.

Jasper's stall and paddock look like Armageddon. There are bloodsickles everywhere. The stretch of white vinyl fencing is dripping with frozen blood, there's blood on the electric fence, there's blood on the walls and floor of his stall and in his feeder. A LOT of blood. There was not a scratch on him. No dried blood in his nose or cuts in his mouth. He had to have sneezed it out due to the spray patterns on the fence. Hopefully it was just a bloody nose. He was not appear to be in any distress at all. Bright eyed, eating, drinking, playing, and doing his normal running and bucking up and down the fence line when people took their horses into the arena that shares a fence line with his paddock. (The other boarders realllllllllly like that).

Today he really and mysteriously injured himself. He has a huge gouge in his right front arm pit. The vet was able to stick her whole hand up in it. She had to suture muscle and skin. His whole shoulder shakes. He's not putting any weight on it. He rears back, loads his hind end, and hops forward on his good front leg. He's locked in his stall, and I'm going out in the morning to see if he's putting weight on it. If not we'll do x-rays to see if there's a fracture. The problem is that the high today was 17 degrees and the x-ray machine's readout screen doesn't work in these temps. If there is a fracture it would be his Humerus, which is a major weight bearing bone in his leg/shoulder. There wouldn't be anything we could do.

I don't know. It seems like this would be enough, without stuff like my source of income ending sooner than I thought, or my (practically new metal) roof leaking, or the fact I hit a deer with my dad's car and knocked one of the mirrors off. Or the fact that school is starting tomorrow morning. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a lot to be grateful for, it's just that I'm feeling kind of numb at the moment.

And I think I may erase this pretty soon after I put it up.

I haven't been doing a lot of riding lately, but took Jasper out for our first walk in the snow yesterday. He loved it.


Lacey said...

I've got my fingers crossed for Jasper. My first pony was named Jasper and I now have an OTTB, for some reason that makes me always interested in how Jasper's getting along.
My OTTB is a big wimp when he gets hurt. He had a tiny cut from a kick last week and could barely stand to have it bandaged. I really hope that Jasper is just feeling the pain of the wound and nothing worse than that.
Hope things start getting better... I bet they will.

Anonymous said...

Very sorry to hear about all your troubles - particularly your dad and Jasper and your old one - keeping fingers crossed on all of those and sending good thoughts.

EvenSong said...

If it's ever too much, we can choose to stop reading. But the writing itself can be therapeutic. And for those who do listen, but in person and here, the joys are multiplied among us, and the sadnesses are divided.
It sounds like an awful winter. So sorry to hear your dad is not doing well, and adding to that the stresses of accident prone large animals and daily life, you are entitled to feel overwhelmed.
Please accept my virtual hug and hope for improvements on all fronts.

Barbara said...

Just write, don't erase. As Evensong said, anyone can choose to stop reading. Blogging is a form of community. Sharing the good and the bad.

jacksonsgrrl said...

Megan- I am so sorry you are having a rough patch. I can relate on many more levels than I EVER blog about! Jasper is a tough one, he better be alright! Your dad is doing better isn't he? Cut yourself a break, the holidays are hard, AND you have some crap you are wading through, eh? Jackson is recovering from pneumonia... I can't even blog on THAT yet, so I went to try and catch up on my neglected blog posts...

I'll be thinking about you!

BritnieAnn said...

my GOSH you have been through it!! Soo sorry and hope everything works out well soon so you can look back at this time and say, I made it and everything is ok! Praying for ya...

Lexie said...

I'm not sure I've ever posted before, but we come here to read and hear about your life, your whole life, good and bad. I just want you to know I'm going through this with you, so please let all of us share your pain. I can't think of any inspiring words, so I'll stick with, I'm here for you. Let me know if there's more I can do, other than virtually standing beside you.


Rising Rainbow said...

I'm with EvenSong and I've been where you are. Last year was particularly difficult for me and because there were legal issues involved on some of it, I couldn't even post about some of it. It made the burden so much heavier so post away.

At the time I wondered what was coming next, and in some instances things just kept coming. Looking back, I'm proud of myself I got through that mess. I learned I had more strength than I ever imagined. I wouldn't want to do it over but I know I could if I had to.

Hang in there. Things will get better.

achieve1dream said...

I understand you wanting to erase the post. I had someone attack me on my blog for selling my goats. It's not even any of her business. However I agree with the others. If we don't want to read it we won't. The people who have a problem with it aren't worth the time of day.

I'm so sorry all of these bad things are happening to you. They sure seem to snowball don't they? I hope your dad is doing okay. I'll send prayers for him. And for Jasper too. I noticed in your next post (haven't read it yet) that he's bearing weight and I'm very happy nothing is broken.

I didn't know you were selling Alexandre. I thought you were just leasing him. I'm glad you found him a caring, patient new family. It sounds like they really love him. :)

Try to hang in there. *hugs*

achieve1dream said...

Oh and I completely forgot about Mindy! I'm so forgetful. I'll send prayers for her too.

Albigears said...

I know it's belated, but I wanted to thank you guys. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. They brought tears, but the good kind this time!

Yeah, more about Alexandre soon.